Perfectionism

"Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won't have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren't even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they're doing it."
— Anne Lamott (Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life)

Have come a long way in terms of my need to be perfectionistic! Am feeling really good about my eating right now. Here is what I am finding is working for me:

1. Variety: Am not eating the same things day after, day after day. Have found some diverse ways to "mix it up a little" and stay healthy.

2. Staying Level: Am eating around every 2 hours or so to maintain steady blood sugar levels. This prevents me from getting to a point when I am "starving". I am eating several small meals (150-200 calories) throughout the day.

3. Carbs are not the enemy--they are a fact of life: I am being very "carb concious", however, I am not prohibiting myself from all carbs. This has prevented feelings of deprivation, and the healthy carbs actually help me to feel full longer.

4. If at first you don't succeed....: More than ever this year it has become clear to me, that it is not about perfection, it is about consistency. It is much easier for me to be more forgiving of myself when I slip for a day. The key is to not let it become a pattern. The weight that I have put back on is nothing in comparison to the weight I lost. I try to remind myself that although I spent most of this school year making pretty unhealthy choices, that led to weight gain, I am nowhere near the 309 pounds that I weighed when I had Micah. It is not too late to turn this ship around.

5. Success does not equal #'s: I am measuring my success in terms of how my clothing feels, how my body feels, how much energy I have, etc. I have officially ended my obsession with the scales.

6. Exercise because it feels good: In the past have painfully gotten through work outs just to burn the calories needed to lose another pound. Right now am trying to re-train myself to enjoy the endorphins, and to exercise for the love of feeling good, and gaining energy.


Feels very good to be back on track! One day at a time....

I'm BACK!!!!

Time for me to start updating the blog again!!! Very honestly, the past several months have been a real struggle in terms of weight management, but I feel like I am headed back on track. One of the tools that helped me lose so much weight in the past (lost 114 pounds at my lowest weight)was maintaining this blog for increased accountability. So here I am again. I am going to work really hard to update regularly--at least once a week. So if you are checking in please add me to your prayer list, and send positive energy in my direction as I embark on another leg of what is a never-ending journey for me. Deep breath, and on we go.....

New Blog

Hi All--New blog is up and running--check it out when you get a chance :)
http://www.blogsmonroe.com/weightloss/

Blog is Moving

It looks like I will be starting a new blog in the near future. I had thought about exporting this blog to my new blog, but after careful consideration, I am starting fresh. This blog is very special to me, and has helped me through the first parts of my journey to become healthier. I want it to stay just as it is right here at ktbourbin.blogspot.com It is hard for me to believe when I look back that it has not even been a year since I started down this path...Blogging has turned out to be one of the best gifts I have ever given to myself!!

So I'm planning to move in a little bit different direction with the new blog. It will be one of the Monroe Evening News blogs and I have given it a title: "The Last 30 Pounds". That is what I truly have left to lose if I get down to my recommended BMI weight...So, I will make a valiant effort to get there. On my new blog I plan to post some about my own progress, about health concious living, new food/recipe discoveries, etc. Also, I'd like to have some guest contributors who are the "real" experts. I don't know..we'll see in time what shape it takes, I guess. I do also plan to have some "flashback" posts--from this blog to help people who are just starting out.

Thank you so much to all the regular readers of this blog--All four of you-ha ha (Mom, Jeremy, Chris and Kim) please follow me to my new site!!!

When I get the URL information I will post it....So long for now!!

KT

Valentine's Day Without Chocolate?

This is the first Valentine's Day that I have realized that it doesn't all have to be about chocolate!!! I LOVE to celebrate holidays--even hallmark ones--but in the past the celebration has centered too much around food. We have started some new traditions at our house that don't revolve around candy...


* This year the "Lovebugs" have been visiting all this week when we are in bed, and they write us a note and bring special surprises! Stickers, Valentine's socks, markers, etc., are a few of the fun surprises they have brought. Traditions like these take our minds off the CANDY that we used to celebrate with. There are other great ideas like this at www.familyfun.com

* Also, we have done lots of Valentine's crafts--made our own Kai Lan pillow(www.nickjr.com ), learned to cut our hearts from construction paper, etc.

* We have a giant wreath that hangs over our fireplace that we went and bought Valentine's lights and decorations for--"Mr. Kennoth"--also known as "Pot", (my dad), interior designer, extroardinare decorated it for us, and it looks beautiful!

* On a warmer day this week we went for a "red" walk around the neighborhood, and Chloe counted all the red/hearts that we saw.

* And of course we have been listening to love songs (Love Train, Love Me Tender, etc.) and reading Valentine's Day books.

* Last, but definitely not least, Jeremy and I are going on a little romantic getaway for the weekend :) We are so lucky to have supportive families who will love on our babies while we are gone.

Having said all of this--will there be chocolate? Yes, probably a little bit, but not in excess as in the past. Food doesn't have to be the center of our celebrations and traditions anymore. There are so many other valuable ways for us to spend our time together as a family!

Have a Happy Valentine's Day!!!

No News is Bad News

Fellow blogger, Shauna Reid (www.dietgirl.org), talks in her book about how in weightloss blog-land no news is usually bad news....so I haven't updated in awhile...and while there's not bad news, there is not great news to report either. I have had a tough week with my "food issues". The interesting lesson for me (and I should have already known this), is that just when I get really comfortable and confident about my lifestyle change, and think that I'm "cured", I realize that this will be a life-long process. Some days are easier than others, but when you get right down to it, I will always struggle with disordered eating, and with keeping a healthy relationship with food. I will always have to remind myself that food is for physical nourishment. Energy. Fuel. It is not the old, trusted friend that I have relied on it for for so long. It is not the enemy either, nor is it bad in any way. Food is just food.

The silver lining--today has been good, and tomorrow will be even better. I'm back on track!!!!

Update re. Monroe Evening News Blog thing---still thinking about it....probably will do it. Any catchy new titles for a weightloss blog, anyone?

Blog Goes "Public"

I may have a new URL soon for this blog. My weightloss blog may become one of the blogs on the "blogroll" for the Monroe Evening News. Our local newspaper has a list of local bloggers on their website with topics ranging from parenting to pop-culture. I think a weight loss blog would be an excellent addition. It would be an opportunity to share with a wider audience my journey, both the ups and downs. So, for me it means increased accountability and visibility. Not totally sure how I feel about that yet, but I think it could be a really good thing for both me, and for other people who need information/inspiration. What do you think? Would you do it if you were me?

Hungry and Full

Here is an interesting paradox I have been pondering....it is entirely possible to be hungry and full at the same time. I haven't been thinking of it so much in terms of physical hunger or satiety--but emotionally. My new gratitude journal has been helping me to realize just how full my days are with blessings. In the past I have had such a hunger for more, more, more....and while I still feel hunger, I realize that at the same time I am completely full. Not sure if that makes sense to anyone but me, but has been a very important realization for me in my journey to be healthier.

Down 2 pounds

This has truly been a victorious week for me. I ate real food--very few "products" (protein bars or protein shakes) and still lost weight!! I felt like a real human being this week. I went to dinner with Jeremy, enjoyed eating healthy meals with my family, and still was down 2 pounds. The key for me is being organized and planning ahead. This makes me feel very confident that I can continue to take the weight off at a slower pace here....Hooray!!!

What am I doing?

Almost on a daily basis people ask me about how I am losing weight. I don't have a specific "diet" plan that I follow (South Beach, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, etc.), but I think I will share what I find works for me. I started by using Optifast--800 calories a day, divided into 5 "products" (protein shakes and protein bars). Really, this part of the weight loss program is super easy once you get past the hunger and the food withdrawls. When I am eating "real food", this is what I am finding works for me:

1. Eating frequently--every 2.5-3 hours--to keep my blood sugar levels steady.

2. I have begun recording every single thing that I eat, and it's complete nutritional information (Thanks, Melissa @ GLWW for great recording sheet). I track my serving size, calories, fat, carbs, sugar, protein, fiber and sodium for each thing that I eat. I have a few websites that help with this (http://www.my-weight-loss-advisor.com/calories-for-weight-loss.html, http://www.nutritiondata.com, http://www.my-weight-loss-advisor.com/protein-fat-and-carbohydrate.html), as well as an awesome electronic food scale, that allows me to enter a code for the food I am eating and gives me the complete nutritional information(http://www.amazon.com/Chefmate-Nutritional-Digital-Scale-Silver/dp/B000LWPZDO)on many foods.

3. I limit refined sugar and carbohydrates, and eat lots of lean protein and fiber.

4. I exercise, cardio and strength training, and stay as active as possible.

5. I attend weightloss support groups/weight management education classes weekly, where I am weighed, to help maintain accountability throughout the week.

6. I try to "nourish my spirit" with non-food things--time with family/friends, music, reading, writing, etc.

These are the things that help me to stay on track!!!