Perfectionism

"Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won't have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren't even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they're doing it."
— Anne Lamott (Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life)

Have come a long way in terms of my need to be perfectionistic! Am feeling really good about my eating right now. Here is what I am finding is working for me:

1. Variety: Am not eating the same things day after, day after day. Have found some diverse ways to "mix it up a little" and stay healthy.

2. Staying Level: Am eating around every 2 hours or so to maintain steady blood sugar levels. This prevents me from getting to a point when I am "starving". I am eating several small meals (150-200 calories) throughout the day.

3. Carbs are not the enemy--they are a fact of life: I am being very "carb concious", however, I am not prohibiting myself from all carbs. This has prevented feelings of deprivation, and the healthy carbs actually help me to feel full longer.

4. If at first you don't succeed....: More than ever this year it has become clear to me, that it is not about perfection, it is about consistency. It is much easier for me to be more forgiving of myself when I slip for a day. The key is to not let it become a pattern. The weight that I have put back on is nothing in comparison to the weight I lost. I try to remind myself that although I spent most of this school year making pretty unhealthy choices, that led to weight gain, I am nowhere near the 309 pounds that I weighed when I had Micah. It is not too late to turn this ship around.

5. Success does not equal #'s: I am measuring my success in terms of how my clothing feels, how my body feels, how much energy I have, etc. I have officially ended my obsession with the scales.

6. Exercise because it feels good: In the past have painfully gotten through work outs just to burn the calories needed to lose another pound. Right now am trying to re-train myself to enjoy the endorphins, and to exercise for the love of feeling good, and gaining energy.


Feels very good to be back on track! One day at a time....