Up 1

I gained a pound this week. Oh well...first time I have gained while I have been on this program. And I know it isn't related to what I am eating, since I have been staying right on track....so, better luck next week.

One thing I have been learning throughout this journey is that it is okay to to need and ask for help. We are all on this planet to help each other through our journeys in my opinion. So thank goodness that I don't always have to be a "helper"--it is a good time for me to learn to be a "helpee". Because no matter how hard I try, I don't have all the answers or know everything there is to know about weight loss. An open mind and an open heart are the best tools I have found that help me along my way!

I learned a lot last night at the grocery store. Our support group took a field trip to Kroger to get some help with shopping for healthy, nutritious foods and to improve our label reading skills. I learned some very intersting, helpful new things!! Who knew that fat free cheese had carbs? Anyhow, just one example of opening my mind and being willing to change the way that I do some things.

Best wishes for a good week :)

long time no post

I will update soon!! After my weigh-in tonight...

Down 5.5

I lost another 5.5 pounds this week. That brings my total to 52 pounds! I have been on countless diets in the past, and have had some relative success with them, but have never, ever gotten 50 pounds off. Good feeling. And the cool thing is, that with other weight loss attempts I have had it is around this point that I start winding down and it starts getting old. But right now I feel like I am still just beginning my weightloss journey...I have the rest of my life ahead of me to make healthy choices for myself and for my family. What a good feeling :)

Another successful feeling this weekend was going to a wedding and actually taking my sweater off while wearing a sleeveless dress. I have never--and I really do mean never--worn anything sleeveless in public. I am always a little envious when I see cute sleeveless tops or dresses in stores that I like, but can't buy them because I would never dream of showing my upper arms to the world. Are my arms now perfect? Not even close, but the confidence I have gained is enough to make that big of a difference. It is liberating to say goodbye to the extreme self-conciousness I once had. At the wedding lots of people noticed that Jeremy and I had lost a lot of weight. Some people even implied that we had lost enough and that we really didn't need to lose more. This is an intersting part of losing weight. A social experiment really. Some people get very insecure about us losing too much weight. Like it is okay to lose a little weight and get a little healthier--as long as we don't get smaller than them. It really is fascinating to get to see how people react to someone improving themself...Can bring out the worst in people who are incredibly insecure. Hmmm...

Forever Incomplete

I added a new song to my playlist. "Incomplete" by Alanis Morisette is a good theme song for me right now.

The song captures perfectly the realization that it is not the destination in life that matters, it is the journey. If we don't have struggles and trials how do we grow and learn? I have heard people say that there is nothing good about being fat....I know that without being fat, I would not have grown into the person that I am today. Being different has given me compassion for others who have to rise to their own diversity. It has helped me to become sensitive and caring and lots of the other things that I consider my "good qualities" are a direct result of having to overcome lots of obstacles because of my weight. I have tried to never let it hold me down.

So even though I am making a decision to change my lifestyle for the sake of my health and my family's healthy, I am not sorry for a minute that I have been fat my whole life. It has taught me lots about life--and my weightloss journey is teaching me even more.

Anyhow the lyrics are just perfect for the way I'm feeling right now:

Incomplete-Alanis Morisette

One day I'll find relief

I'll be arrived

And I'll be friend to my friends

who know how to be friends

One day I'll be at peace

I'll be enlightened and I'll be married

with children and maybe adopt

One day I will be healed

I will gather my wounds forge the end of tragic comedy

I have been running so sweaty my whole life

Urgent for a finish line

And I have been missing the rapture

this whole time of being forever incomplete

One day my mind will retreat

And I'll know God

And I'll be constantly one with her night dusk and day

One day I'll be secure

Like the women I see on their thirtieth anniversaries

I have been running so sweaty my whole life

Urgent for a finish line

And I have been missing the rapture

this whole time of being forever incomplete

Ever unfolding

Ever expanding

Ever adventurous

And torturous

And never done....

Down 2.5

Down another 2.5 pounds this week.

Total loss: 46.5

Start date: 4/17/08

Real meals since April: 4 (yeah!)

Started eating dinner again on Saturday. Jeremy cannot believe how full we feel after eating 4 oz. lean protein (chicken, turkey, fish, etc.) and 1/2 cup cooked vegetables. It is honestly like a smorgasboard (feel free to correct spelling) for us to eat this much food every night for dinner. And believe it or not--Jeremy ate green, red and yellow peppers, and mushrooms tonight!! And Chloe tried a peapod! Hurray! Feeling really good and, enthusiasm for weightloss is now renewed :)

Song Dedication

New song dedication for Jeremy. Added to my playlist today is : Yellow by Coldplay :) Another song that I really wanted to dedicate to Jeremy is called "I'll Still be Me" by Martina McBride. It unfortunately was not available yet on playlist.com. The link to listen to a little bit of that is at amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Waking-Up-Laughing-Martina-McBride/dp/B000NOKAPI/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1216056491&sr=8-2

Thank you Jer for doing this with me! I love you more than words could ever say!!

"Yellow"
Look at the stars, Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do, Yeah they were all yellow,
I came along I wrote a song for you,
And all the things you do, And it was called yellow,
So then I took my turn
Oh all the things I've done,
And it was all yellow,
Your skin Oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
D'you know you know I love you so You know I love you

The Next Chapter

I'm definitely ready to transition to eating some real food again. This week has been the hardest yet. I feel tired, and don't have the energy boost that I had a few weeks ago. I am so ready to take the next step on my weight loss journey. I have done the "fasting" thing long enough, and I think I am capable of adding some healthy food choices to my diet. I'm glad it will be gradual--just dinner for the first week. The interesting thing is that I have learned during the past 3 months to appreciate food so much more than I ever have. That might sound odd coming from someone who has been overeating her whole life--one would think that I would have a deep appreciation for food by this point. But, honestly, food had become boring to me. I got to a point where I was eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted--and nothing really even tasted good. And never once in the past have I learned to appreciate food for what it is: fuel for my body. I am starting the next chapter of my weight loss journey with a strong desire to fill my body with fuel that is clean and healthy. And I am gaining the tools and the strength that I need to do that every day. Wish me luck!

Flickr

See the bottom of my blog for a link to vacation pictures...

Down 4 more

Lost another 4 pounds this week. That makes 44 pounds total since April 17th. Hurray!!! Honestly, even though I am ending the "active" phase of the diet--meaning I will gradually transition to eating food again, this is really just the beginning. I feel like I've been in food rehab for the past 3 months and now I will have to eat with the rest of the world again and learn how to do so healthily. I'm ready!!!

Vacation...

We are back from our trip up north. I cannot believe we survived an entire vacation without eating a single thing but Optifast. In fact, it is difficult to believe that we have survived an entire 3 months without eating anything (and I mean absolutely anything--never cheated once) but Optifast shakes and bars.

Anyhow, on our trip we did lots of fun things. Some physical things that we probably would not have done in the past. Jeremy, Chloe and I climbed the sand dunes and got exceptionally farther than we ever have in the past. Jeremy and I went canoeing onthe Platte river that opens up to Lake Michigan beach and it was completely beautiful. I also managed to run one morning around the resort which was very hilly. Running on the treadmill is quite different from running cross-country!!

Now we are in the home stretch of the active phase of our weight loss program. After this week we will transition and begin to gradually--very gradually eat "real" food again. The first week includes 4 oz. lean protein and 1/2 cup cooked vegetables for dinner. A grilled chicken breast and steamed asparagus never sounded so damn good.