Ice Skating?!?!

Life has been full of fun surprises and adventures since I have been on my weightloss journey. Yesterday felt like a real milestone to me. My daughter has been taking ice skating lessons for a few months now, something I have never dared to do because of my size. Actually--I have tried it once or twice, and failed miserably because my ankles were too weak to hold me on a single blade. It used to be painful, uncomfortable and really no fun at all.

So yesterday I decided on a whim to take Chloe ice skating...I was pleasantly surprised to find that ice skating is now fun for me. It wasn't painful and awkward like it used to be. I didn't feel self-concious or miserable on the ice. It was such a good feeling to be able to do something special like this with my daughter. Hooray!!!

I also took another important step on my way to my weightloss goals. I went back to GLWW--the program that helped me start losing back in April. I have mixed feelings about being back. Really glad to have increased accountability, support, structure in my weightloss program, but also feeling afraid about whether I can do this again or not. While I feel ready, I don't quite have the burst of energy and enthusiasm that I had the first time I did the program. But the support group I attended last night was a great beginning. Just being with other people who are going through the same struggles as I am is so important. And we have a GREAT group of fun, intelligent and supportive people. I think the support group is honestly the key element for success.

So prayers, please, for a good week without too painful of a withdrawl process. And prayers/encouragement for success in having a more consistent fitness routine. I ran on Sunday and felt soooooooo good. The gym that I had my membership at just closed, and we received notification that our memberships would be transferred to our local YMCA. This is a blessing in disguise, as I feel it is an opportunity for my whole family to take advantage of the many fitness opportunities there--swimming, kids classes, etc. Off to bed now...Have a good day.

KT

Set-back/New beginning!

I'm trying not to feel too disappointed in myself for the set-back I have experienced in the past few days. Our family had a wonderful Christmas--really--probably the best that I can remember in a long time. No one was sick, everyone was happy, etc. When it came to eating I had ZERO self-control. In my head I was the same 275 pound person that had a binge-eating disorder. I nibbled, and ate, and ate some more. I ate so much that today I had serious sugar withdrawl.

I could let this get me severely frustrated and let-down, but I am going to try not to. In fact, this minor curve in the road has led me back to the path that I need to be on. On Monday I am starting Optifast again, and will be attending weightloss support groups once again as well. I am determined to get back on course and to finish what I started back in April. Another 30 pounds and I will reach my goal. Wish me luck, will-power, and determination!

Measuring Tape

"How do you measure a year? How about LOVE?"
--Seasons of Love, from Rent

This Christmas I am so proud of our accomplishments. Our weightloss, new found self-control and discipline, etc. But when it comes to measuring a year it should be done not in pounds, inches, body fat percentages, etc. It should be measured in LOVE--and through all of our craziness as a family, Love is certainly something that is not lacking at our house. My Christmas wish is for all others to feel the peace of having a love so special with your families. Have a blessed holiday :)

Throw it away!!!!

Working in education, at this time of year I am bestowed with lots of wonderful gifts and treats from my students' families. I am so grateful and appreciative for their acts of kindness--however--today I had to stop at the gas station trash can as a result. I have found that I simply cannot have candy/tempting food in my car or I will mindlessly nibble on it all day. And so while the miniature candy bars, buckeyes, etc. looked delicious, I had no choice but to stop at the closest gas station to throw away the candy as quickly as possible. I know--it sounds awful--and maybe I should have waited and just given it to someone else, but I know myself well enough now to understand that there was no way I could ride more than a half a mile without eating some. To me, having chocolate in the car is like an alcoholic having liquor in the closet....One more day of gift receiving to get through!

Happy Anniversary, Jeremy!

Eight years!! Hooray!! Love you :)

Songs for you are #1 and # 2 on my playlist: "You are the Sunshine of my Life" and "Thankyou"--we danced to this at our wedding, remember?

"I feel like this is the beginning,
Though I've loved you for a million years..."

still, still, still

main.tain
14th century
1: to keep in an existing state (as of repair, efficiency, or validity) : preserve from failure or decline 2: to sustain against opposition or danger : uphold and defend 3: to continue or persevere in : carry on , keep up 4 a: to support or provide for b: sustain 5: to affirm in or as if in argument : assert

This definition makes "maintaining" sound as challenging as it really is. My weight has always been in constant motion. Either moving up or down. Very infrequently do I stay "still" in terms of my weight loss. But in order for anyone to grow or make progress I think there needs to be a time of "stillness". A time to quietly and peacefully absorb what has happened, take it all in, and then move forward. My favorite Christmas carol this season is "Still, Still, Still". It reminds me that it is okay--even necessary--to stay still for a little while....

Maintaining

I have been at a bit of a stand still here for awhile...I am just a few pounds away from losing 100!! But my goal until Jan. 1 is to maintain. If I lose more that's great, but as long as I do not gain until then I will be satisfied. I am really struggling with food issues--as I always do this time of year. Getting started food journaling again has helped me to see where I can make some changes in terms of nutrients I am getting. Also, I am weighing in at GLWW once a week to maintain accountability. And psychologically I am singing Chloe's song--(see "I'm Not Perfect") right now to stay positive and healthy.

Not Surprising: Sugar as addictive as cocaine

Sugar may be as addictive as cocaine....
http://health.msn.com/health-topics/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100228625&gt1=31036

I didn't need a study to tell me this! But maybe having some empirical data will help others understand why obesity and eating disorders are so challenging for so many.

I'm Not Perfect

I have a four year-old who says some very poignant things sometimes. The other night when I was tucking her into bed she was talking about how she's not perfect. That she tries hard, but that only one "person" is perfect. I asked her who that was and she pointed up and said "God". Her understanding of spiritual matters sometimes astounds me and does not match up at all with her age--her spirituality is definitely one of her "talents" if you can call it that. We closed our evening time together by singing "I'm Not Perfect" by Laurie Berkner:

Lyrics:
I'm not perfect, no I'm not,
I'm not perfect, But I've got what I've got,
I do my very best, do my very best, do my very best each day,
But I'm not perfect, and you know I like it that way.


Well anyhow, this really got me thinking. I am still a recovering perfectionist. Letting go of my approval addiction and my perfectionism is a huge part of my recovery from my disordered eating. And while I have made a lot of progress, it is still worth singing to myself on those days that those old parts of my personality creep up on me. So thank you to Chloe for giving me a song in my heart this week :) A mantra, really--"I'm not perfect, and you know I like it that way."

Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

It's the "most wonderful time of the year"--and I really do believe that it is, but for one trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle it is also the most difficult time of the year!! Temptations are everywhere during this season. Holiday traditions are so closely linked to food it is often difficult to separate the two.....ie., candy canes, sugar cookies, hot chocolate, candy, egg nog, etc!

This season is no different in terms of the challenges that it will present for me in trying to stay on track. I think setting realistic goals during this time is crucial to not setting oneself up for failure. Planning ahead for special occasions/events can help a lot. Also, I intend to focus on those parts of this season that are not tied to eating:

-Holiday Music--My favorite playlist of the season is definitely Sarah McLachlan's "Wintersong". Many people have very strong emotional connections to some kind of holiday music at this time of year.
-Decorating--We are trying to make our home beautiful to look at this year--this also keeps us busy making crafts, etc. rather than eating
-Sight-Seeing--Tonight we went for a drive in the snow and looked at Christmas lights--I still have very fond memories of those moments I shared with my family growing up doing this--What a nice non-food tradition to continue with my own family :)
-Giving and Receiving--Focusing on finding special gifts for loved ones and celebrating together with them
-Spiritual Renewal--Finding the special meaning in this season--whatever it may be--is the most important part of this time of the year for me. The birth of a savior, the festival of lights, etc.

Any other non-eating related traditions you would suggest?

Television Debut

Quite honestly, I had always thought my tv debut would be something a little more...."flashy", however, I am honored to share with you that this Saturday night yours truly will be sharing her weight loss testimonial on an infomercial for Great Lakes Weight and Wellness. It airs on NBC 24 in Toledo/Monroe after Saturday Night Live. Here is a sneak preview on You Tube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cL5sX3Ceabw

Be sure to DVR Saturday night for the full footage (Jeremy too!)!!

Gastric Bypass?

Today someone asked me if I had had gastric bypass surgery. Anyone who may be wondering--no, I didn't. Actually, had this attempt to lose weight not worked, I likely would have considered weightloss surgery of some kind. I'm glad I didn't have to have surgery, but certainly can understand why people resort to it. Interestingly, most insurance companies will pay for gastric bypass surgery, however, a program like the one I followed, which was medically supervised, is generally not covered. Hmmmm....