My Shoes

I noticed today that my shoes are too big. I wonder how many people realize that when one loses weight it is lost EVERYWHERE. Unfortunately I can't decide what part of my body shrinks--even my feet are getting smaller. I kept feeling like I hadn't velcroed my shoes right b/c they felt so loose. When I looked down I realized that my shoes--like every other apparel item I own are too big for my feet now.

Also--every so many pounds a strange phenomena happens. I had 4 people not recognize me today. Some of these were people that I don't see very often, but a few were people I see regularly. I guess my shape must be changing. It is an awkward feeling to have to say, "It's Katie"--to remind them who I am. I wish I could see myself the way others do. In my mind most days I am still 275 pounds. I still use the handicap bathroom b/c I think I need the extra room, I still take the long way around the outside of the crowded room, b/c I don't think I can fit between people's chairs, I still worry that when I ride in someone else's car their seatbelt might not fit well....I wonder when/if all of that will change. I also still identify really strongly with other women who are big. I saw a bigger mom of a young child today, and felt complete empathy. I thought about how hard it used to be to carry around my own 275+ pounds and carry a 25 pound child too. Or how in your heart you have all the energy you need to keep up with the little one, but your body is just too slow and awkward. I wondered if she feels the need to overcompensate for her heavy body by pleasing everyone around her but herself...I hope I always keep my empathy/sensitivity about what it feels like to be overweight. I never want to forget it, because it has shaped my personality so much. Through our stuggles we grow (or shrink in my case) :)