100 pounds gone has made a huge difference in most areas of my life. But this weekend I am finding that it has not made that much of a difference in terms of how comfortable I feel in a swimsuit. On a weekend getaway here at Kalahari (indoor waterpark), I have actually discovered that I feel a little more self-conscious in my swimsuit than I ever did when I weighed close to 300 pounds. I'm figuring there are multiple reasons for this: a)When I weighed 100 pounds more, I was in serious denial of how large my body was. I knew I was fat, but I just stopped looking in the mirror below my neck at some point, b/c it was too painful. b)The bigger one is, the more invisible one becomes. I used to be that lady that people glanced at and looked nervously away, because I was so big. Maybe this is just my perception, but I felt a lot more invisible when I was bigger. I remember hearing my friends (and practically every woman on this planet) complain when they got into swimsuits about some their thights, or butt, or some other minor "flaw", but I never did this, b/c I didn't even know where to begin.
So this weekend, I understand. I feel awkward about my body, even though it is so much smaller than it used to be. I am not one to let stuff like this get in the way of having a good time--and I never have---but just a new experience I thought I would share. Interesting...
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2 comments:
I know what you're talking about. I hate being in a bathing suit. I'm always sef conscious of my body. Everyone always looks better than I feel.
Yes--and the revelation that I had this morning, was who the hell cares what anyone thinks about my body in a bathing suit? I sure as hell am not there to look at everyone else's bodies!!!
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